What Happened Here:
As I took the pictures off the walls of my home and stacked the frames against boxes full of my belongings, tonight, I felt a little bit sad. Maybe more nostalgic than sad. And I’m a sucker for nostalgia…I dive in deep.
Two years ago I was one of those girls clicking her heels down Nicollet Mall, carrying tons of responsibility, an ego, anxiety and a blackberry. My salary allowed me the opportunity to capitalize on the fantastic real estate market and purchase a 100% renovated town home in Brooklyn Park. 20 minutes north of my job in Minneapolis (in fact, my address falls in Minneapolis according to the post office).
Two years later, I find myself as a girl in love with the job she prayed six years for. In the suburbs. In fact, a little bit in the boons, some might say. :) Snowmobiles and semi trucks fly by my office instead of skyscraper window washers. My parents live 25 minutes away from my office. My doctor is across the highway from my office. My chiropractor, 15 minutes away. The veterinarian that saved Louis’ life, 15 minutes away in Forest Lake. My church, well, I have options there. :) Everything I seem to do is in the East side of the cities. I’ve always been told I seem like a St. Paul girl, not so much a Minneapolis girl. And I have to agree. I’m excited for this new chapter as I boomerang back to my parents’ house for the 2nd time since college graduation, and search for a new home closer to work and family.
I felt deeply that this was the right time to put my house up for sale. I was informed by my mortgage broker that interest rates are fluctuating and unpredictable right now and she advised that I put it up for sale as quickly as possible. So I did- and it sold, in two showings, simply by my realtor’s word of mouth. It never even made it to the MLS. And I feel so blessed by the incredible offer that was made. To me, it’s peace and confirmation that this was the right thing to do at the right time.
But now- as I start the process of packing my things to deposit them in a storage space in the north metro, I’m getting nostalgic remembering what happened here…
I hung out on my patio with my puppy.
I grew things, out there. Like flowers…
…and baby tomatoes.
I decorated and styled…
…styled and decorated…
I thrifted a 1960’s hairdresser’s chair…
…and an incredible 1960’s Lane turntable stand.
I loved the tree that peeked in my bedroom window in the Spring…
I painted my living room mint green…
I spent many chilly nights (MANY, this past Winter) lounging on the couch with the fireplace crackling…
I organized my walk-in closet like a Pinterest queen…
I biked to the dam often and got sprayed by the fishy waters of the Mississippi…
…and chased a turtle back into the river with a stick…
Sometimes Louis came along…
…sometimes I Instagrammed the river at dusk while creepy kids and a family of deer snuck around in the woods behind me. (Brooklyn Park, what can I say…)
Louis and I walked. A lot.
Rain, sleet or snow…
…we walked.
I drove a car that was painted the exact same color as the exterior of my house. It matched precisely.
I decorated for Fall…
And those leaves FELL…
…then Louis fell in love with a squirrel who fell in love with the cornstalks I put out as Autumn decor…
…I was a Halloween grinch…
But DEFINITELY not a Christmas grinch…
Then I became a Winter grinch…the grounds crew here isn’t awesome and rarely shoveled snow. I found myself digging my own path to my car on many mornings!
And all you can really do when the winter drags on is make food. Bake and Bake. Cook and Cook. So I baked fancy bread…
…Stovetop from-scratch Hot Cocoa….
…failed Pinteresting eggs…
…a ridiculous amount of Inside-Out Spring Roll salad…
…Turkey Burgers, Sweet Potato Fries and Veggie Salad…
..Chocolate Chip Cookies and more Chocolate Chip Cookies…
..and sometimes, I made healthy things like this Weight Watchers salad.
Then I went back to making things like Double Chocolate Coca-Cola Mini-Muffins.
My roommate and I lived pathetically and spent our money on fun instead of food.
And Louis watched every time I walked out the door.
Soon, we’ll be walking out together! On to the next place. :)
You’ve been good, house! You’ve been good.
*tears of nostalgia*
Grunge Wars
Since the dawn of time, I’ve been lulled into believing the widely-agreed-upon music culture “truth” that Nirvana are the kings of grunge and Pearl Jam lands shortly behind them.
As a young 4th grader, I swooned over Kurt’s pain-filled voice in “Something in the Way”. I was wide-eyed, open-mouthed and captivated by the Nirvana: Unplugged concert on MTV, spending night after night playing “Where Did You Sleep Last Night?” on repeat in my dark, junior high bedroom.
As I grew up, wised up, and looked up (Yeah, I’m talkin’ bout Jesus), my adoration for Kurt, Krist and Dave started to wane. My aspiration to be, “just like Courtney Love,” completely dissipated. (Anyone else have a teen idol they’re ashamed of?)
Over time, Pearl Jam became well…my jam. I don’t know if it has to do with maturity, class, musicality or philosophy- but suddenly- I GOT Eddie Vedder. We meshed. Mentally. Emotionally. I was drawn to his guttural bridges and repelled by the blackness of Kurt’s.
When I loved Kurt, I was depressed. I was dark. I was a teenager. Life was rough. Nirvana’s lyrics and tone reflected that. Not to say that Pearl Jam’s lyrics are outright uplifting- but they’re mostly about something. A story. An experience. An idea. And another thing- their guitars are in tune.
As a high schooler, I can remember writing the lyric, “…breakfast table in an otherwise empty room,” inside one of my school notebooks. I loved that lyric. Specific and vivid in just a few choice words.
Today, we all know how Eddie Vedder has evolved. He writes beauty and has discovered the depths and versatility of his unique voice.
Pearl Jam SNL Just Breathe from Richard M on Vimeo.
So, in summary…I realized this morning on my drive to work when I cranked up, “Jeremy,” I’m no longer a Kurt Cobain admirer. In fact…I kind of dislike him.
It’s Pearl Jam, now. I’ve crossed to the other side of the longstanding grunge war.
I guess I grew up.
How do you stop yourself from wearing a song OUT to the point of not being able to listen to it anymore? I’m on my way there with this one…addicted.
(Source: Spotify)
A Few Thoughts on Shame.
So I’m reading this book by Brene Brown. There’s a lot of talk about shame in it, and it really has me thinking.
Statements like this:
“You think that’s bad? Try having _______ happen to you!”
OR
“At least YOU HAVE one…you have no idea what it’s like to go without one.”
How many times have you one-upped someone?
How many times have you INSISTED that your situation is WORSE than someone else’s?
How many times have you assumed that because someone has attained something (an item, a level, a status) that you perceive as higher or better than your own, they are completely ungrateful for it. (or they’ve forgotten what it was like to be without it.)
We’re ashamed of what we lack, so we feel sorry for ourselves…then shame others for something that’s out of their hands. OUR OWN SHAME.
We one-up others, in secret hopes that they’ll feel ashamed for complaining when, “they have it so good.” At least they’re not you, right?
I feel like this kind of talk is SO PREVALENT. And I’m no hypocrite- I know I’m guilty of it, too from time to time.
Thinking about this makes me want to focus on being kinder to myself and to others. To never assume someone is ungrateful for the good things they have that I don’t. And if someone tries to shame me for having something they don’t, to be sympathetic toward them. (And to not let their shame spill onto me, either.)
We’re all blessed differently. If you’re not blessed in the way you think is ideal, take a look at your life. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and rolling your eyes at the people who you think are blessed while you’re not- figure out where and how YOU are blessed.
Because you are. Overlooking that, and focusing on what you lack, is extremely selfish. And a huge insult to God.
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. -1 Peter 3:8-9
Saturdays are for recharging and head-clearing. #openwindow #brenebrownisdabomb #allsonsanddaughters #louislove #maybeanap
Staples come out in the morning!! My boo is almost back to his spazzy, lovey, silly, licky self. :) #dailylouis #viewerdiscretionadvised
Love her, hate her…I love this song. I love her style. I don’t even care if she’s fakey.
(Source: Spotify)
You Don’t Even KNOW Me.
“You don’t even KNOW me…” is my favorite thing to hear on trashy talk shows. (Think, Maury Povich.) It’s the line that really escalates things. Someone feels the need to defend themselves against an accusation that to them, seems SO atrocious, so off-base, the person making the accusation must not KNOW ME at ALL.
I’ve been feeling that way a little bit, these past couple of days. My goal definitely isn’t to escalate anything or to stand up on a chair, getting sassy with my finger waving back and forth.
But my goal IS to communicate THIS.
If you’re not a friend or family member of mine- you don’t really know me.
Don’t make assumptions about me.
Especially because I talk about God on social media, many feel that they can lump me in with rest of the, “Bible-thumpers,” they’ve met in their lives, that they see on FoxNews, they hear on the radio and roll their eyes at in their own families.
I’d like for everyone to realize something:
We’re not all the same.
We’re not all the Tea Party.
We’re not all Republicans.
We’re not all Democrats.
We don’t always fixate on politics.
We’re not all afraid of change.
We’re not all obsessed with marriage and family.
We’re not all divorced or cheating.
We’re not all hypocrites.
We’re not all self-righteous.
We’re not all close-minded.
We’re not all judgmental.
All I can say to you is this:
I love Jesus because he changed my life.
I follow Him, because Ilove Him and have seen the evidence of his love for me so many times in my life.
My goal isn’t to be perfect.
My goal isn’t to be, “on the ‘right side’” of any argument.
My goal isn’t to be argumentative.
My goal isn’t to be divisive.
My goal isn’t to be a people-pleaser.
My goal is to be a God-pleaser.
I fail at it constantly and I try to be transparent about it.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone.
I don’t think those who choose not to follow Jesus are ‘bad people.’
My God tells me to love people.
I’m practicing ways to do that better, everyday.
Know that I don’t have it all figured out.
I just want to Love God first, then love people.
So. Just because I’m a Christian, don’t assume that you know me.
I’m not out there mocking anyone.
So please don’t mock me based on assumptions you might have about my politics/character/beliefs, all because of a label that I happen to carry.
I hope I can carry the name of Christ well.
