I made noises like this all the way to work, today.

SERIOUSLY?! You’re going to go 40mph on the freeway while you smoke a cigarette and check your phone?! REALLY?!

Get OUTTA THE WAY, Grandpa.

Schoolbusses, why must you alwaysssss come to a 10-second stop at every railroad track?

Really, it was my fault that I was running late this morning. My apologies to the cities of Brooklyn Park, Blaine, Circle Pines, Lexington, Lino Lakes and Centeville for being, “that driver,” this morning.

I am being punished by a scratchy throat.